Dreams, Fear, and God

I don’t dream often.  When I do, my dreams are often strange, clouded, or layered with meaning.  I believe dreams exist to help our mind sort out complex emotion, conflict, or concepts not yet consciously acknowledged.  My most recent dream I’ve had before, perhaps a few years ago.

I was with a group of friends perhaps family, playing, frolicking outdoors.  Suddenly a young woman, perhaps a teen falls ill with strange spots, almost cartoon-like on her face.  As I carefully examined her, I used my medical skills to reason out her ailment.  Unable to ascertain the cause of her sudden illness, I am struck by the urgency to call for help.  Others around me inform the “EMS is on the way.”

I’m reassured that help will arrive but left powerless as my young patient fades while the time clicks by.  Call it the intuition of a physician who has seen death come, I know the ambulance will be too late.

Suddenly as can only seem possible in dreams, the girl transforms into a deer and jumps away into a closeby wooded area.  Dashing from sight into the thicket.  I called out in pain “NO!!”

I’m not sure if I woke my wife.  I woke myself.  Troubled by the dream.  Troubled by the knowledge I’ve had the dream before.

I’m not sure why I tell this story.  But I tell it because maybe my interpretation helps others.

The dream is a manifestation of the fear of loss, death, and control.  Perhaps the girl / deer represented one of my own children. Any parent worth their salt knows the secret anxiety the possibility of losing a child holds.  Some know what a bitter pill reality can be.  For a physician, I’m supposed to KNOW  what to do or have POWER over the outcome, but sometimes, like in this dream, to no avail.

Therein lies the fundamental message.  At my core, I believe we are here to serve GOD.  We are here at both his bidding and his mercy.  Maybe it was a day playing with family on Easter that prompted the fitful, fear loaded dream.  Nonetheless, the message came through loud and clear.

Comforted, I will not live in fear, but in the certainty that the deer ran back into the woods was running home to God.  

I will live trusting God has a plan for those entrusted to my care.  I will give my best to my family, patients, and friends. That final thought gave me solace in what otherwise was a subconscious reminder of human frailty and fear.

I believe spirituality plays a integral part in health.  Poor spiritual understanding and insight wreaks havoc on a healthy mind because sometimes fears and questions of existence can become overwhelming without the comfort of a higher power.  This dream also reminded me to maintain my spiritual walk, building on my faith and relationship with God.  It also reminded me to be thankful everyday for everyday blessings.

Thanks for sharing my musing.